The first mini-meltdown

I finished my coursework for my BSN last week and have been working toward my medical and legal clearance for Peace Corps service.  Yesterday was my first chance to really reflect on all that I had completed in the past 32 months, and to ponder all that I will be doing in the next 32 months.  A lack of sleep, coupled with a failure to acknowledge the emotions that were brewing just beneath the surface with the completion of my nursing education led to the perfect storm.  I started thinking about everything I am giving up, and it isn't the big things that bother me.  I am upset about giving up a painting, or a plate, or my books.  I think allegorically, and I quickly realized that my behavior is like that of a child who refuses to let go of a ratty old security blanket, even though his parents are offering him a chance to ride his brand new bicycle.  How silly it is to hold on to items that will become old and tattered when so much more is waiting for us if we would just open up our hands to take hold of it.  I was reminded of one of C.S. Lewis's messages from The Weight of Glory, in which he speaks of our desires as being so weak and silly compared to the amazing joy that is offered to us if we will just take it.  He compares us to "an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea."  Letting go is difficult, but it is necessary if we are to grow.  Nobody would ever learn to swim if they did not first let go of the side of the pool.  Time to start paddling.